buses in the rain- London, December 2009

i watched the movie Shortbus this weekend. and there was one moment when i cried. the main character has made a huge decision…and the way he describes his reasoning was powerful…. it went something like this …

his friend says, “How could you ever feel so alone? Don’t you see all these people around you? Don’t you see how many people love you?”

The reply was, ” Of course i do. i see it all around me. but it stops at my skin. nothing ever gets inside.”

That made me think quite a bit. how do you let things past the skin? i know i have rarely  felt anything inside the skin. nothing good anyway. how did love become a weapon? and how do i get to a place where any of that is good?

how do you feel free enough to make mistakes? how do you stop imagining every other place you could be, when you should stop and enjoy the one you’re in?

if someone could show me some facts – some hope, instead of the fiction I’ve settled for in my mind -that would be great. cause I’m pretty lost on my own right now.