Painting in Phoenix - November 2009


im SO angry. im boiling. its the only thing in me that’s authentic anymore. everything else feels cold and trapped in little vesicles of rage. how can everyone just sit back and be okay with this? ive always wondered…how much louder do i have to say this…how much more do i need to reveal before you will stand up for me. will anyone? ever? i always sugar coat the fucking thing so i dont make you feel uncomfortable. so that you dont have to be responsible. so that you dont have to recognize any of this in you. you need to share in some of this. i cant carry these secrets and their filth alone. ive turned to everything i know how. god, family, friends, police, and yet—these nights still come. its just me and this brick in my heart.

forgive me if im not jumping at the chance to talk to you. be patient if i seem cold lately. i dont know what else to do anymore. im missing out on all the blessings around me, cause im boiling under my skin. its not right, its not fair, and i need to take my time to scream. i would give that much to you.